He called me love
Now we done
If I see him on the street
His teeth- gone
Know his address
Wicked sadness
Shouldn’t have fucked with me
I’m a madness
Punched him twice
Missed the fight
Next time you will see the light
Want it all
The love and rage
At least we are on the same page
That I fucking never want see your bitch ass face again you stupid crooked ass nose liar cunt.
But the bouncer called me “laaaaav’’
The bouncer called me “love.’’


Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

One day I woke up and heard a ringing and a ding
It was magnetic, euphoric,
So natural-it was boric
It called me from deep within
Where the deepest parts live in
Where the darkest secrets lie
Where even I haven’t dared to peak, I’d rather hide.

One day I woke up and remembered my dream
It was divine, godly, really sublime
I saw symbols on the walls
On the floors in the halls
On the lamps and the chairs
On the shower drain hairs
It was religious for sure
And it made me feel cured
For a split second.

One day I woke up and I was in love
It was intoxicating, like animals mating
He filled my eyes with his chestnut vibrance
At first I put up a real defiance
But softened and loosened like mittens in snow
Now I know I should have ran and gone.

One day I woke up and didn’t remember the days
That had passed by in a purple haze
That’s all I remember, I had a violet gaze
In my head and my brain and my soul and my roots
In my fingertips and in my studded boots
In my rat-like teeth and amber skin
That’s all there was- just purple within.
I woke up and discovered that I
Had burnt some bridges and I didn’t know why
My art was ripped from walls but I was heavily painted
In makeup that had stayed on for days, it was tainted
I woke up and realized it was another episode
A dreaded event in my life for sure
Mania had lured me in once again and
A new version of me truly did begin

I stayed up and wailed in my pain
Really there is nothing, nothing to gain
From being batshit insane and out of order
Living alone without a lover
Spending my teens as a town stoner and
Seeing shadows from my eye corners.
I stayed up and realized it is depression
Black and dark and asks no questions
It just comes and goes as it wishes and wrecks me
After I’ve had the most euphoric-epic week
I went to sleep and muttered through my teeth
“forgive me, God, for I have sinned.’’

Images by Genietta Varsi and sara blosseville. Many thanks to Taiteen edistämiskeskus (Taike) for supporting our feral series publication.